Loneliness is a complex social phenomenon that defies definition. You can live alone but not feel lonely. On the other hand, you may be living with another person and feel lonely. You may be in a big crowd and feel lonely or you may feel you are a part of this crowd and feel wonderful.

A person may have an all-consuming passion which leaves no room for another person in his life. Some of our greatest philosophers, composers, and scientists lived alone to fully devote themselves to their work. Again, some of the greatest masterpieces in music and literature were left to us by individuals who were gregarious, married more than once, and had many children.

Loneliness could be by choice or could be forced upon a person; shut-ins are an example.

Read the rest of this entry »

Site Search Tags:
Compassion, Education, Leadership, Loneliness, Loners, Management, Mass Murderers, Parenting, Philosophy, Psychology, Serial Killers, Sociology, Women Issues

Loneliness is a serious social problem which affects the sufferer, and society, in many ways. It affects the physical and/or mental health of the lonely. The lonely person craves attention and can be a burden on the medical and social systems which are already overburdened by the numerous problems of our society. We will never know how many people are in hospitals because of depression, or other mental illnesses, brought on by loneliness.

There is another aspect to loneliness, and that is the fear of loneliness. Many people stay in a relationship long after it has ceased to work because they are terrified of finding themselves alone.

Read the rest of this entry »

Site Search Tags:
Compassion, Education, Leadership, Loneliness, Loners, Management, Mass Murderers, Parenting, Philosophy, Psychology, Serial Killers, Sociology, Women Issues

There is another aspect to this issue: the opportunity to be alone. Most of us are caught in balancing work and family and can seldom find time to be alone. Women appear to be more affected by this problem. While on the one hand they find it easier to interact with other people, they also have a stronger need for privacy and quiet moments when they can be alone with their thoughts and feelings. But there is simply no time for such a luxury, at least not on a daily basis. The result is even more stress, on the individual in particular, and on society as a whole.

Read the rest of this entry »

Site Search Tags:
Compassion, Education, Leadership, Loneliness, Loners, Management, Mass Murderers, Parenting, Philosophy, Psychology, Serial Killers, Sociology, Women Issues

There is one more aspect of loneliness (somewhat unrelated to the previous sections) which I wish to discuss.

A leader will always tell you that the top can be a lonely place. At least for a man there is the solace of being surrounded by other men. A woman, on the other hand, can find the top a very lonely and desolate place. This is because, few women have reached the top echelons, both in the political and the corporate worlds. Many women in leadership positions are uncomfortable. Indeed, the corporate world is beginning to have a problem retaining its female executives.

I raise two questions here. Why is the top a lonely place? When you have to take a difficult decision you take it alone. You can gather as many facts as time permits. You can consult many other people. But when decision time comes you are alone. I am not only referring to the top executive; even at a lower level you are expected to take many difficult decisions. If you can’t, you will not be an executive for long!

Read the rest of this entry »

Site Search Tags:
Compassion, Education, Leadership, Loneliness, Loners, Management, Mass Murderers, Parenting, Philosophy, Psychology, Serial Killers, Sociology, Women Issues

If loneliness has so many facets, loners on the other hand are easier to visualize in our minds. “He is a loner,” connotes an individual who stays by himself, is remote, and may have something somber about him. I am saying “him” because in my experience, I have never met or heard of a she-loner. It is easy to confuse loners with other people who keep or are forced to keep to themselves. A so-called nerd is kept isolated by the image he projects, he has few or no friends and girls wouldn’t be caught dead dating him! But the nerd will outgrow this stage of life once he gets over the awkwardness of adolescence.

The real loner has probably been scarred during his early life. Children and later adolescents will tease him and keep him out of games, gossips, and conspiracies. Thus, he grows up as an angry youth. As an adult, he will be rejected by women, or, if he is good-looking, will go through a series of short and tumultuous relationships. Likely, he will not be able to hold a job for long and will wander from job to job.

A loner can be a walking time-bomb, or may simply drag himself through life until death puts him out of his misery.

The anger bottled inside will be directed towards society. “I’ll show them all what I am capable of doing.” The bombers, the serial killers, and the mass murderers who enter, one day, in a public place and shoot at the crowd with the purpose to kill and maim are, as we discover later on, often loners.

Site Search Tags:
none

What follows is based on an actual case which was widely publicized at the time in the Ottawa newspapers. Nevertheless, because of the passage of time, and out of respect for the people who were directly, or indirectly, involved, all names have been changed. As well, places and dates have been left out.

In a school close to where I used to live, a terrible tragedy occurred which vividly illustrates the damage a loner can cause.

On this day, one of the most popular and charismatic teachers in the school was teaching a not-for-credit course on religion. As was usually the case, a standing-room-only crowd of students was attending. There were over 60 students perched on desk tops and window sills. And this teacher had their undivided attention.

Read the rest of this entry »

Site Search Tags:
Compassion, Education, Leadership, Loneliness, Loners, Management, Mass Murderers, Parenting, Philosophy, Psychology, Serial Killers, Sociology, Women Issues

The preceding story shows us that the danger posed by loners is too great to be ignored. We call these people “losers.” Perhaps it would be more accurate to call them “failures.”

The failure of a society who is unable to be compassionate and integrate all its members. I have no magic answers. Rather I have many questions. I ask myself why, if my observations are right, do women not become loners? Can we analyze that and apply our findings to male loners?

Can we start early on in schools and ask children to integrate loners in their midst? How for that matter do we identify the loners and not confuse them with children who are simply shy or need more time to adjust to the school routine?

Read the rest of this entry »

Site Search Tags:
none