After living in North America for more than forty years, I still find myself totally bewildered by some of the false notions that exist in this part of the world. Take child-rearing for example.

We find it normal to raise our children in a small cell made out of mom, dad, and the kid sister. Sadly, this goes against the dictates of our species. We are social and intelligent animals. We need in our formative years the influence of many other adults besides our parents.

We often hear that it takes a village to raise a child. However, most of us do not have a clue as to what that means.

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I consider myself very lucky. I benefited from the clan upbringing and my family was financially comfortable.

I was born, and spent the first 20 years of my life, in Cairo, Egypt. My family was originally from Italy. I am myself a third generation Italian born in Egypt. While French is my mother tongue, I spoke both French and Arabic fluently. For the “true” Egyptians, we were considered as Afrang (foreigners). Foreigners or not, we benefited from the special atmosphere that existed in this wonderful country without suffering from the poverty that plagued most of the Egyptian people.

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In my book, Equal Partners, I have a chapter on child care. This chapter includes a section on the Children of the Kibbutz. Since in our modern Western society we cannot resurrect the clan upbringing, it occurred to me that the kibbutz system could serve as a substitute.

In some kibbutzim* the children live in a Children’s House (Bet Hayeladim) rather than with their own families. They are organized into social units of 5 or 6 children of the same age under the supervision of a caregiver (Metapelet). Each unit has its own bedroom, bathroom, dining room, playroom, and yard.

In the case of infants, mothers spend time with them and the metapelet in the Infant’s House (Bet Hatinokim). However, after the first year, they usually see their parents and siblings only for two hours in the late afternoon. These visits with the parents are purely social. The metapelet care for the children on the physical, emotional and developmental levels.

* I understand that the above system is becoming less and less prevalent in kibbutzim across Israel. No matter. I am interested in the idea itself rather than the extent to which it is still being used.

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I discussed the clan upbringing from the children’s perspective. But what about the parents? I have no doubt in my mind that parents would benefit just as much. However, since I left Egypt at the age of 20, I did not experience it first-hand. I can however make some intelligent observations.

Imagine being able to send your kid away for 3 months and get a chance to renew your romance. Imagine being helped by many people to carry out your duties as parents. Imagine not being blamed for everything that went wrong in the life of your children. Gratitude is in short supply in North America and, in many cases, a blaming game takes place. This is sad and it needs to be changed if we are ever going to have a sane and balanced society.

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There is a daily miracle that occurs myriad of times in our society and nobody pays any attention to it. I am referring to our ability to live together, join forces when necessary, and do the things that make us a civilized society.

But why am I calling this normal process a miracle?

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I can still remember my young children reaction when something disturbed or scared them.  They would look at me seeking reassurance.  There was also something else, a look of reproach.  It was like, “how did you allow something like that to happen?”  Of course, at the time, I was an all-powerful parent capable of anything.  They would later learn that there were many things over which I had no control.  They were also too young to really blame.  But their reaction I believe was the first step towards learning to blame.

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The criminal justice system exists to punish people who have
committed a crime.  It also serves three (or perhaps more) other
purposes:  deterrence, locking criminals to protect the public,
and rehabilitation.  To these objectives may I be permitted to
add one more:  blame.

When a heinous crime is committed in a community, there is
an expectation that the perpetrator will be found quickly and
made to pay for his crime.  But the police rarely arrives at the
scene of a crime and find a person with a smoking gun standing
over a body.  It takes time to solve a crime.  The prosecutor
needs solid evidence before she can go to trial.  Sometimes a
crime is never solved.  But people need justice done, or put in a
more candid way they need to blame.  Under these conditions, the
system (police, prosecutors, and legislators) looks for a
shortcut.  I am aware of two ways to do so.

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Accountability is used in so many different situations, it
is no longer easy to define.  It is bandied around freely in the
bureaucracy, in politics, and in the media.  So how do we pin it
down?  I gather from my dictionary that it is simply a matter of
determining who is responsible, or who should be held
responsible, for a given action, event, or development.  For
example the loss of confidential documents.  I will accept this
quasi-definition and proceed from there.

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Ambition is a positive force of nature.  It’s a strong drive that urges us to always go forward, always do better.  Not all people are ambitious.  Some totally lack ambition and are quite happy to live and let live.  At the other extreme, there are people who are driven to reach a goal.  They will trample over anybody that gets in their way, and, if they have the necessary ability, they will get there.  But in the process they sacrifice family, friends, and plain human decency.  But what if they
 do not have the talent to say reach the high position they are aiming at in their company?

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I have a very specific type of blame in mind.  The kind that exists within a family.  (I’ll also address this type of blame within society in general).  A blame which, if not stopped, can, like acid, eat into the structure of the family until it collapses.  There are many examples.  Let me give you two.

 The Jones live on a quiet street.  Their 6-year-old boy, Jonah, often goes bicycling near the house.  The parents keep an eye on him and there have never been any incidents.  On that unfortunate day, a car goes down the street just as Jonah is turning a corner.  The parents hear the terrifying sound of a collision and the squeal of brakes.  Jonah is killed instantly. What happens in this case is fairly typical.  The parents will be devastated.  They will grieve for a long time; really forever for you never get over the death of a child.  Then a process that shouldn’t be part of human nature, but unfortunately is, begins. They begin blaming each other:  “Had we gone to visit my parents like we planned…”  “If you didn’t teach Jonah to be so daring, really reckless…”

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It would be unthinkable to write an article on blame and leave the Jewish people out.  After all, they have been the scapegoat of this planet for millennia.  All kind of reasons have been advanced to explain this tragic situation.  They never allowed themselves to be absorbed.  Wherever they were, they were always a minority.  People in the past were ignorant and very superstitious.  Fine, but what about the present time?  Why does antisemitism exists even in this advanced age?

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We say that there are two certainties in life;  Death and
Taxes.  May I be allowed to add a third:  A human life will also
include many difficulties.  It is never easy to be human.  At one
time or another we will have health, financial, work-related,
relationship, emotional, and many other problems.  It is perhaps
normal to blame when we are in pain.  The idea in this part, and
the following two parts, is to put the blame in perspective.  Let
us start with our parents.

Our parents gave us life.  They are at our side from
helplessness to adulthood and beyond.  My children are adults now
with their own families.  However, if you were to ask me how I
did it, I would be stumped.  Of course I was younger and very
motivated.  The task was shared with my wife.  It was a day-to-
day affair; every day I learned something new.  I have no doubt
that nature has also equipped me for this awesome task.
Nevertheless, a human infant is such a complex being, I still
wonder how I managed it.

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If you have nothing better to do, go to the library and grab
a copy of the Federal Government Estimates.  There are three
parts, go to part II and there you will find the activities and
budgets of all departments and the programs they deliver.  You’ll
be amazed as to what the Federal Government does.  It is involved
in Agriculture, Mine and Resources, Environment, Taxation, Indian
Affairs, Fisheries and Oceans, Human Resources, Justice, Foreign
Affairs, National Defense, and many, many other activities.  In
Part III, you will find a wealth of details on all government
programs.  Ditto for the provinces.  The municipalities have
their own budget document.  If you live in the U.S. (or any other
democratic country) you have equivalent documents.  Simply put,
the governments (there is more than one level) and what they do
is what makes democratic Western nations such great places to
live in.  I am not saying that we should pay our taxes with a
song in our hearts!  Nor am I suggesting that a government is a
perfect institution.  It is run by humans and, accordingly, it
has flaws.  The door is therefore open for blame.

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When all else has failed, we turn to God.  We shouldn’t
blame God for that’s blasphemy.  Nevertheless, we do it all the
time.  I suspect that God understands and forgives.  Throughout
the centuries two cries have resonated with different variations:
“Where was God when this tragedy unfolded?”
“If there was a God, would he permits such a thing to happen?”

After reading the Urantia Book, and giving careful
consideration to these weighty questions, I have come to the
following conclusion:  God has self-imposed constraints on
Himself and all Higher Personalities.  This manifests itself in
many ways.  Before I talk about that, let me remind my readers
that they should formulate their own opinion on the matter.  The
relationship between any one of us and God is strictly personal.
Indeed, here, I share only some of my views.  Most elements of my
relationship with God remain in eternal confidence between my
Maker and myself. 

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