The resume that follows is solely the product of my imagination. Imagine a 5-year-old. What would he say? How would he sell himself to prospective employers?

I share the authorship of this “resume” with three people. First, my grandson, Jeremy, who inspired me. Next, my daughter, Rita, who kept us (my son and I) informed of Jeremy’s progress. Finally, my son, Michael, who adores his nephew, obtained a wealth of additional details from his sister.

One day, as we were compiling all the skills Jeremy managed to acquire in the short span of 2 years, I casually said that we can perhaps prepare his resume. Pronto! Michael took me at my word, went to his computer, and an hour later, produced a resume for his nephew!

The resume I am submitting for your consideration is based on a fictional character. Any resemblance to a real little boy is purely coincidental!

Resumes have become so common, there is perhaps a need to look at them with a fresh eye. While my resume is essentially meant to be funny, it also speaks indirectly to a society which has become obsessed with work, crave material things, and otherwise takes itself too seriously.

Perhaps looking at the world through the eyes of a child can make some of us rethink our priorities.

RESUME FOR A CHILD
BERNARD “DUCKY” LARIMER III

HOME ADDRESS
123, Toy Lane
Truckville, Pretend State 12345
(000) 555 – 1234

BUSINESS ADDRESS
Kickly Conculting Inc
The Corporate Headquarters is at my parents’ home. Please note that my parents insist on calling my firm Quickly Consulting

E-MAIL ADDRESS: ducky@cute.kiss

DATE OF BIRTH: July 4, 2001

EDUCATION

September 2003
Successfully completed advanced potty training.

October 2003 – Present
Popular Music with emphasis on Sesame Street songs. Some classical music, for instance the Toy Symphony by Joseph Haydn.

July 2002 – Present
Successfully completed intensive courses in English, some German, and some “Spellese” (a language in which English words are spelled rather than spoken). As well, I have learned to crawl, walk, manipulate objects and people.

Full profile of activities mastered available on request.

SKILLS ACQUIRED

• Languages: English, German, and Spellese;
• Manipulating my grandparents, mother, and father, in that order.

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES AND INTERESTS

Logo construction;
• Public Television with emphasis on educational programs;
• Bedtime reading by, preferably, daddy;
• Eating what other adults wanted to eat for themselves;
• Swimming and tricycle riding.

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

December 2002 – Present Toy Consultant
Self-Employed
Kickly Conculting Inc.
As the principal owner of my consulting firm, I am responsible for testing toys submitted by my clients for durability, ability to entertain, taste and flavor. I am ably assisted in my work by the junior partner of the firm, Zack. To better serve our clientele, we have specialized in two areas: transportation (cars and trucks) and cooking (pretend kitchen utensils). We call upon other consultants when toys fall outside our areas of specialization.

REASONS FOR SEEKING OUTSIDE EMPLOYMENT

• Despite our many months of combined experience and the goodwill we have established throughout the industry, we have seen a decrease in the amount of business due to the numerous mergers in the toy industry.
• We are finding it increasingly difficult to cover our overhead, let alone show a profit.
• Our best outside consultants are lured away by well-established firms. This brain drain makes it very difficult to offer the excellent service to which our clients have become accustomed to.

SALARY AND BENEFITS

Salary: None requested. I am subsidized by my parents.

Benefits:
Pension plan: None requested. Retirement is many, many years away in the future.
Medical and dental plan: None requested. I am covered by my dad’s plan.
Life Insurance: Yes. The beneficiary would be my mommy. Please note my young age and the fact that I am a non-smoker.
Breaks: YES. Numerous milk and cookie breaks are a must.

REFERENCES

Grandma Martha and Grandpa Hans.
Please do not ask my parents for references.