What Women Want – XIII. Must be a Good Provider
Date Posted: August 5th, 2010
In times gone by, families scrutinized the finances of a
potential suitor for their daughter. Connubial bliss could be
had only after a number of questions were asked, and satisfactory
responses obtained. What kind of job do you have? How much are
you making? What is your future potential? Do you have any
savings? How much? Do you own property? What kind? And on,
and on. Even today this close examination is still conducted in
many cultures. In more advanced countries, this role has
devolved to the young lady. But make no mistake about it; she
can, at times, be just as tough as the old folks.
The oft-repeated instinctive need to create the best
conditions for her children spurs the woman to conduct a serious
audit of the accounts of any hopeful admirer!
So powerful is that ancient urge, modern women size up a
man’s finances even when it is not necessary.
A study conducted among female medical students indicated
that, even though they anticipated financial success, they were
still interested in men whose earning capacity was equal to or
greater than their own.
$ Love
The French have a saying: On ne peux pas vivre d’amour et
d’eau fraiche. (You can’t live on love and fresh water). And
they are right, of course. How long can love last if the basic
necessities of life are not provided for? An empty stomach will
extinguish even the most powerful flames of passion.
However, it goes beyond mere financial security.
Two sociology professors, W. Bradford Wilcox and Steven
Nock, at the University of Virginia think they know what women
want: A sensitive guy with a good paycheck.
Even women who consider themselves feminists report being
happier in marriages where the husband earns most of the family
income, provided he is engaged in the emotional life of the
marriage.
The above, and other examples the researchers provide us
with, doesn’t tally with conventional wisdom. A partial list of
their examples follows. Feel free to go and read the whole thing
(the website address is provided below).
The most important factor in a woman’s marital happiness is
not the division of domestic chores and paid work, rather it’s
the day-to-day emotional engagement of her husband.
Happy wives do not ask for a 50-50 division of household
responsibilities. An unfair division of housework is still
acceptable to these women as long as they perceive their husbands
as good providers.
“Wives are much more concerned with whether their husband
lends an attentive ear to their concerns and aspirations than
whether their husband does half the cooking and cleaning,” said
Wilcox, after reviewing interviews with 5,000 couples in the
National Survey of Families and Households.
Contrary to what we have so far believed, the best marriages
are not necessarily a union of equals. The study suggest that
it’s not as simple as that. For instance, why wouldn’t a woman
be happier with a good provider, considering that his income
allows her to stay home with the children, work part-time, or do
meaningful work that might not pay well?
A big paycheck is a meager consolation if the husband is
deaf to the language of the heart.
Affection and concern in making a marriage happy is still
very much a requirement of today’s women. They expect him to be
“present in the marriage.” Watching sports on TV for hours on
end, and going out with friends and leaving her alone with the
kids is no longer tolerated.
An undignified choice
Some women pay the ultimate price for financial security.
They marry a much older man for his wealth.
Modern women have so many options; it is difficult therefore
to understand the need for such an undignified choice. But it
does happen even in the 21st century. And I suspect there will
always be women who are willing to sell their looks and youth for
cash.
The sad thing for this woman is that youth is a gift that is
given only once in a lifetime, and it is so short-lived. Once it
is gone, she is bound to see what a sorry deal she has entered
into.
The sad aspect for womanhood in general is the perception
that women can still be bought by the male of the species for the
right price.
Sources
1) Sexual Chemistry. Why Men and Women Act As They Do
William F. Allman
Reader’s Digest (December ’93)
Condensed from U.S. News & World Report
Washington D.C.
July 1993
2) Women want a good provider who listens/ Dating Coach Blog
by datingcoach In Relationships
April 12, 2006
From the Baltimore Sun
http://datingcoach.co.za./2006/04/women-want-a-good-provider-whos-listening/
