Jokes – XV. Various Jokes (1 of 2)
Date Posted: March 1st, 2011
Joseph and John have been friends for a long time. One day, when traveling in rural Quebec at night, they had a car breakdown; what to do? Lucky for them, there was a house nearby.
A shapely young lady was the sole inhabitant; she informed them that nothing could be done to fix their car before tomorrow.
“I have a spare bedroom,” she informed them. “You’re welcome to sleep here and have supper.”
And so it was. Supper was delicious, and was served with wine. A lot of wine.
On the following day, after their car was fixed, they left. They thanked their hostess profusely and many au revoirs were exchanged.
Years went by. One day Joseph asked John to meet him; an important matter has come up.
“Do you remember that nice lady that bailed us out when we were stuck in the middle of nowhere?” asked Joseph.
“I certainly do,” replied John.
“Did you by any chance sneak in her room in the middle of the night and had sex with her?” asked Joseph.
“Well. Eh … Maybe. We had drank so much on that night,” replied John.
“Is it possible that when the lovemaking was over, you gave that lady my full name and address instead of your particulars?” asked Joseph,
“Again it’s possible; remember we consumed two bottles of wine. I hope you’re not angry with me. We’ve been friends for so many years,” said a now very distraught John.
“Angry? Not at all. I received a letter from a notary informing me that that person had passed away and left me all her fortune,” countered a beaming Joseph.
* * *
Two friends decided to open a retail business together. They raised the necessary capital, and worked for many weeks to get the store ready.
One day, after hours of painting, they stopped for a coffee-break. The store at this point was totally empty except for shelves.
One of them told the other, “I bet you anything that somebody will look into the empty store and asks us what we sell.”
Sure enough, before he finished his sentence, an old lady was peering into the store. She then approached one of the partners and asked: “What are you selling, sonny?”
“Assholes,” he replied.
Without missing a beat, the old lady countered: “Oh, I see you’re doing very well, you only have two left!”
* * *
A 90-year-old man went to a prostitute. She looked at him and said, “at your age it must be finished.”
“What?” asked the man.
“It must be finished,” she repeated.
“Speak louder, I can’t hear you,” said the man.
“IT MUST BE FINISHED,” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
“Finished?” asked the man. “How much do I owe you?”.
