This second play is a compilation of the numerous give and take that took place between us, from our second floor balcony, and merchants on the street.

Many of those vendors rang a bell rather than hawked their goods. The maid now hears the bell, and knowing that setti needs cucumbers for the salad and for pickling, cabbage for coleslaw, and eggplant to cook today as a side dish, she rushes to the balcony. She is in luck, the vendor has all the required vegetables. Follow me now and let’s see what happens next.

Maid: “Ya Sayed (it could mean sir, or it could be a general name, the equivalent of Mac here), we need cucumbers for pickling, and my setti is very particular.”

Merchant: “Asha (asha is a straw, meaning that his cucumbers are thin and with small seeds, the ideal cucumber for pickling) ya okti (my sister; he would not refer to a foreigner as his sister).”

Maid: “We also need cabbage for coleslaw.”

Merchant: “The neighbors will come to your setti with bowls, begging for some of her coleslaw.”

Maid: “Betingan mera’ad (a kind of stewed eggplant) is on the menu today.”

Merchant: “The effendi (the man of the house in this case) will love it.” He then looks up at the maid and gives her a sly smile!

The maid is not exactly reassured that his merchandise is really the best, but she is willing to do business with him . She then goes to my mother and asks her if she should go down to buy what is needed. But my mother cannot spare her, there is too much work. Besides, there is an alternative. We have on our balcony a basket with a rope long enough to go from the second floor to the street.

My mother now goes on the balcony and discuss prices with him. The theatrics that took place with the apricot merchant would be impractical here. As well, there are more or less established prices for vegetables. Nevertheless, some negotiations take place. It’s loud, considering that my mother is on the second floor; but it doesn’t bother the neighbors; this is Cairo after all.

There is eventually a meeting of minds. My mother will deal with the eggplant and cabbage first, and pay for them.  She will deal with the cucumbers after. She expect them to be a “tough nut to crack.” And she proves right.

She now dangles the basket while the merchant weighs the eggplant and cabbage and informs her of the total price. The whole thing goes without a hitch. She then wraps up the money in a scarf, ties it, places it in the basket, and sends it back down.

The cucumbers prove to be a different story altogether.

Mother: “These cucumbers are not asha, I can’t use them for pickling. Can you provide me with better ones?”

Merchant: “Hader ya setti (yes ma’am).”

The basket goes up and down a few times like a malfunctioning elevator! Eventually, my mother is satisfied with the quality, but another problem presents itself. The weight as given by the merchant does not correspond to the weight as shown by our scale. All attempts to reconcile the two are in vain. Like it or not, my mom has to send the maid down.

The servant ensures that the vendor’s scale is on a level surface; she closely watches him weighing the cucumbers; it all seems above board and she is ready to reassure setti.

Next, the merchant takes a newspaper, forms it into a cone, and throws in the content of his scale’s tray. His next move would surely have been missed by my mother, but the maid is a native girl and catches him quickly flicking something into the mound of cucumbers and leaning slightly on his cart to bury the thing. The maid digs into the cucumbers and find a stone; it has been placed there to artificially increase the weight!  She is furious. The choice of Arabic expletives she hurls at him will not be repeated here, let alone translated!

Maid: “Aren’t you afraid of Him who sees everything?” And she points her index to the heavens.

Merchant: “I swear on the head of each of my 8 children, and my 2 beloved wives, that I never realized there was a stone there. It must have come from the field.”

The vendor next weighed the cucumbers (minus the stone, of course!), calculated the price, and got paid. He then, as a freebie, threw in a few extra cucumbers.

The parting shot of the maid: “If you think you can bribe Him with a few extra cucumbers, you’re mistaken. Then, not quite finished, she points at his long-suffering donkey and says, “even your donkey is ashamed of you!”

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