Memory – III. Personality Development
Date Posted: May 10th, 2007
Our genetic makeup will govern our personality; but it is not the only factor, or the main one. To a large extent, it is what we learn during our life, and store in our memory, that will make us who we are.
A small child will gradually store in her memory the words of her mother tongue and use them to intelligently communicate. Memory is not a blunt instrument; even at a young age we can learn from past experience what is desirable and what isn’t. We can then use that faculty to express our desire. An offer from mommy of strawberry and cream is readily accepted by the little one; whereas mashed carrots and chicken is greeted by a “no, I am not hungry.”
Three things will always happen simultaneously during our lives:
- We need to make a decision; it could be a simple one like what should I have for lunch, or a difficult one like is this the right man for me?
- Next, we go to our store of memories and select relevant past experiences; these are now our alternatives. One or more of these alternatives will be used to arrive at a decision. Of course, a difficult decision will be mulled over carefully and most probably postponed. If possible, a decision is avoided altogether.
- The final act is the most interesting. As we go through this give and take process as between our experiences and our thinking process, we shape our personality. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that we modify our personality. You see, the original genetic package is the starting point. It can, and is, manipulated throughout our lives. It can, and is, changed continuously. This amazing process may be influenced by our early experiences. However, using unhappy experiences as an excuse for poor decisions, will thwart God’s intent of providing us with an infinite number of chances to correct past errors. A story from my past illustrate that point.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I befriended a man in his late forties. Our shared love of books brought us together despite the age difference. This man was a confirmed bachelor, or so everybody thought. One day he confided in me that in reality he felt lonely and would have loved to have a woman in his life. Over the years, he has dated many women, but none of them was the right one, and today it was too late. In my youthful exuberance (today I recognize it as wisdom), I told him that he was still relatively young, had a good job, and enjoyed good health. Therefore, he still had plenty of time to share his life with a woman. Whether it was what I said, or perhaps he was finally ready, the fact remains that a few months later he told me that he was engaged. Less than a year after our conversation he got married.
