Perfection – I. The Impossible Quest
Date Posted: February 14th, 2008
Many years ago, I was talking with a human resources expert,
Chris. Among other things, we discussed the issue of dealing
with people’s imperfections, the ones that affect their work and
their interactions with other people.
When the manager of a department comes to Chris to discuss
the various problems he has with his employees, Chris advice is
always the same: he tells the manager to deal with one important
problem only and try to change that. It could take years to
correct one imperfection. Once the problem is overcome, does the
manager move on to the next shortcoming? No. It takes so much
time and effort to make one change, it’s not realistic to ask a
person for more. After all, you’re trying to change the basic
nature of that person in one area.
Chris’ advice still guides me when I walk the minefield of
human relations. I always reminds myself what a difficult thing
it is for a person to get rid of even one defect. And yet, most
of us are oblivious to that simple fact of life. We live under
the illusion that we can change people and mold them into our
image of perfection. It cannot be done.
This one is a classic. You’ll hear it from young people in
love.
“Tom is such a slob. He never cleans after himself. His
clothes are all over the house. He spends too much time with his
friends. Well, all that is going to change after we get
married!”
“Lili is such a terrible housewife. She cannot cook.
Cleaning the house is a foreign concept. She cannot budget and
is always in debt. Well, all that is going to change after we
get married!”
Very little will change after they get married. Older
couples who hear such remarks are highly amused.
Young people who learn from experience to scale down their
expectations, and accept the imperfections of their partners,
will have a happy and long marriage. The others will embark on
an impossible quest.
