Perfection – III. We Cannot See Ourselves
Date Posted: February 28th, 2008
Physically, we can see ourselves. All we have to do is
stand in front of a mirror. You may see that you’ve put on some
weight in the wrong places and decide to do something about it.
If only there was a magic mirror which can reflect our
personality. Alas, the scientific world is not even working on
such a project! The only way to do that is to go for therapy.
Needless to say, you will not go to see a psychiatrist unless you
have good reasons to do so. If you do, a big chunk of the time
will be devoted to know yourself, or put another way, to “see”
yourself.
There are many considerations here. First of all, we are
not completely blind to our flaws. For example, you might
realize that you constantly interrupt other people when they are
talking. Therefore, you decide to train yourself to listen
carefully before advancing your own arguments in a conversation.
A good friend may inform you about one or more of your
annoying habits. However, just because you now know, doesn’t
mean that you can change overnight. But that friend may not
understand that and may expect instant results. Then again you
may not feel this is important enough to make the effort
necessary to change.
A couple in a marriage will often work on the wrong
assumption that the partner knows exactly what his or her
shortcomings are. It doesn’t work this way at all. He doesn’t
know. She doesn’t realize. They can be frank with each other;
but just because he is informed of everything he is missing,
doesn’t mean he can make wholesale changes. Some changes can be
effected, most cannot.
Since my example is about a couple, let me remind you that
the genders think and act differently. Don’t expect any relief
here. Ever. The Urantia Book informs me that, mindwise, male
will remain male and female will remain female throughout the
whole scheme of eternity. And they will never understand each
other!
Start a new day and look at the people around you with a new
eye. Physically they can see themselves, and effect changes if
they choose to, and if it’s possible. They cannot “see” their
character and all the things that can make them so annoying to be
with. Learn to accept them as they are, after all they are doing
the same for you. Don’t go on a crusade and try to completely
change a person. That’s not possible. Look at the positive in a
person, or better still look at the person as a whole, the good,
the bad, and the indifferent. We are human, perfection is far,
far away. It will take us eons to get there.
Are there exceptions to what I just said? Certainly. If
there is a situation that cannot be tolerated; for example a
trust or safety issue.
Guy is a lamb around the house. Apparently, at work he is a
pleasure to be with. However, put him behind the wheel and he
turns into a lunatic. The least thing frustrates him. He swears
and uses a language that shocks his wife Mary. He speeds too
much and can easily get distracted. He yells at other people,
oblivious to the fact that he sometime does that to a person
twice his size, or simply a person that may have a weapon. In
one word, he is a danger to himself, his family, and other
people. So what should Mary do?
I said at the beginning that you can focus on one important
problem and have a chance of success. Well, this is the type of
problem I have in mind. Guy should go for a few sessions with a
psychologist to help him understand and resolve his road rage.
What if the therapy doesn’t produce the hoped for results? In
this case Mary should refuse to be with Guy when he drives. He
can drive by himself if he wants, she cannot stop him. Another
option is to be the only driver in the family. In time, I
suspect that Guy will overcome his problem through additional
therapy, and become a normal person behind the wheel.
