roland@equalpartners.ca
http://EqualPartners.ca/

Equal Partners
by Roland Ezri

Equal Partners by Roland Ezri

Equal Partners

By Roland Ezri

"Women are the backbone of all societies. They do a substantial part of the work, and play a major role in raising the future generation yet they are largely powerless. The decisions that count are made by men and foisted upon women."

Writings by Roland Ezri

Loneliness and Loners – VII. What Can We Do to Help Loners?

The preceding story shows us that the danger posed by loners is too great to be ignored. We call these people “losers.” Perhaps it would be more accurate to call them “failures.”

The failure of a society who is unable to be compassionate and integrate all its members. I have no magic answers. Rather I have many questions. I ask myself why, if my observations are right, do women not become loners? Can we analyze that and apply our findings to male loners?

Can we start early on in schools and ask children to integrate loners in their midst? How for that matter do we identify the loners and not confuse them with children who are simply shy or need more time to adjust to the school routine?

Can we ask adolescents to accept and integrate the loners in the “wolf-pack?” Can we ask young people to invite loners to their parties, to be kind to them without being patronizing?

Perhaps I am deluding myself for children and adolescents are selfish; the world revolves around their little person. It has to be this way. Nature’s way to prepare them for the awesome responsibilities of adulthood is by building their ego. Adolescents form clans (like the early humans) and “misfits” have no place in the clan.

But we are not only animals; we have superior intelligence. We can reach 8-year-olds and 14-year-olds and present them with this tremendous challenge. We can use as a bait the fact that young people love a challenge and delight at the opportunity to emerge victorious in any undertaking. It will be difficult, but I personally believe that it can be done.

8 Responses to “Loneliness and Loners – VII. What Can We Do to Help Loners?”

  1. John Says:

    Why do loners need to be helped? I consider myself a loner, people generally ignore and reject me. I see people around me as being nothing but sheep, following social norms and doing nothing original. Someone who considers himself accomplished is only applying practices taught to him by peers and teachers. Loners tend to be uniquely original each in their own way, and it is evident in the type and style of work they do. Often the work of a loner is very informative and innovative but equally so is very disorganized as we tend to stray from standards.
    If anything people need to understand that you need to quit trying to integrate loners into society and start accepting them as individuals apart from the groups. You see a loner expects to be accepted by all groups for what he has to offer a middle man if you will. For instance I played football because I was good at football, not to make friends. I expected to be accepted by the group for what I did, not for who I was. I also liked to drink alcohol,so likewise I expected to be accepted by the partiers of my high school because I was someone they could drink with, not someone they could relate to. I also expected the same amount of respect from the people I met, as I gave to them, which due to these social norms of people being in their groups didn’t really happened too often.
    That is where the problem lies, people need to respect the independence of loners and learn to treat them with respect for not conforming to a social standard. Trying to force a loner into a group will only make problems worse, the individual will not only lose the respectof his peers, he will loose respect for his own self; and that is where these school shootings come in.
    Lastly loners should not be pitied, if you befriend a loner out of pity, he will learn to hate you for it and, as mentioned in a tragic example, the person will most likely end up getting hurt or killed, and rightfully so. Having pity for a loner will always end bad as it is not necessary. If you want to befriend a loner you must build a relationship based on respect and you must acknowledge their independence in mannerisms and vocabulary and accept it (a loner will tend to act in ways and say things that a “normal” person would not). We also spend a lot of time trying to hide our true selves in mystery to protect against criticism. Once a relationship of respect is built you will see that a loner will open him/herself up, and that is where your true colors will show by how you handle the strange behavior. If you are someone who is truly a friend you will not criticize, you will not reprimand the loner, you will accept what you see and over time when the bond grows strong, you will notice that you will have a friend that will never treat you badly, always stick up for you, and will never tell a lie to you. You will always get more from a loner than you give.

  2. aaaa Says:

    Yes, I was like that, but now I am 16 and loners don’t really find a girl; they think you’re weird, so I got to change I guess.

  3. mike Says:

    you were wrong from line 1. there are many women who are loners, i stopped reading after the first paragraph

  4. Curtis Says:

    Wow, this author has no clue. None whatsoever. “Loners” though most famous for the recent spate of murder-suicides, are also well known for bringing such joys to the modern world as art, science, and philosophy. The majority of geniuses, both literal and creative, are loners.

    We are not “sick”. We do not need “help”. I’d request understanding, but I don’t see us getting it anytime soon.

  5. sue Says:

    I’m a woman who is a loner. yes a woman!!!!
    It’s not just men who are loners.
    I’ve never been one for parties, in fact I hate them.
    I prefer to be by myself; if other people don’t like it, then tough!

  6. Roland Says:

    That makes two of us!
    I hate parties, and I am at my happiest in my own company!

  7. Man of Solitude Says:

    I think the writer is seriously confusing “aloneness” with “loneliness.” Being a loner, or one who prefers aloneness, I can assure you that I neither need nor seek to be “helped,” nor am I a “failure,” as you put it. I live in a large city, in the urban core, but prefer solitude and my own company to big crowds, social events, etc. It can be challenging sometimes, as I live with my partner. I enjoy having someone I’m intimate with close at hand, but I also crave solitude. Mind you, I love hanging out with a very small group of close friends, usually one or maybe two at a time. Any more than that, I feel out of my element. But it’s just the way I prefer things. I do not wish upon myself or anyone else, however, “loneliness.” I like being alone, but I don’t want to feel lonely. Everyone does at times, whether a solitary person or not. I hate the feeling of loneliness. What has been confused here is this: being a “loner” means one prefers solitude to the company of others, being “lonely” means one feels cut off from others, that no one cares, etc. and is accompanied by sadness because of the aloneness, or feelings of despair or emptiness.

  8. Man of Solitude Says:

    Here’s a good article on my earlier comments:
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200308/what-is-solitude

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